Not sure where to start this post.
When I started this blog, it was with excitement and joy about bringing Ava home to us. Please don't get me wrong, I love and adore Ava, but here comes the honesty part... the process of adding her to our family, our lives has been hard, very hard, a lot more harder than I ever imagined. And it leaves me exhausted and emotionally drained. That's why I haven't posted for so long.
I haven't posted for a while because it's hard to be excited and joyful when the one you waited for rejects you. I haven't wanted to share my heartache, but I've realized, maybe I should. So, from here on out, I'll be sharing the ups and downs, the joys, the tears...
Anyone who's around the 5 of us for any amount of time, after a while will notice that Ava obviously prefers Brian. I'm fine with that... to a point and that point is when the mean looks start, the cold shoulders, refusing to do anything I ask of her the kicking and swinging . This girl can be so stubborn. She has 2 cowlicks on the back-top of her head. One of our guides in China saw that and said in so many words... "OH-No.......you're going to have your hands full, 1 of those means she's strong willed and stubborn, but she has 2! Good luck!!!" Today, she wanted me to put in a hair clip, I told her that she'd have to 'pay me' with a hug and a kiss... it's just something her and I do in play (sometimes...) well, today she wanted absolutely none of it... and she flat out refused to kiss or hug me, I tried this for several minutes, but all I was getting were those mean looks, a lot of whining and if I didn't stop, she probably would have started kicking or swinging at me.... (insert heavy sigh here...). We are going to an LPA Regional in Brookfield, WI today. With Ava treating me like this, I'm not looking forward to it. So many times since we've been home, I'm the odd man out, I feel like the 5th wheel. And it just breaks my heart...
Now, it's not always like this. I know she cares for and loves me to a point. And we've realized that she is "attached to me".... but it's just these times for me are hard. Come Monday, when Baba (Brian) heads back to work at 8:30 AM, I'll be let back in her world.
Yes!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this. Adoption is amazing and wonderful for so many reasons, but there are struggles. We need to share this so that other adoptive parents know that they are NORMAL. I'm sorry that you are feeling this way with Ava. I'll be praying for you. I felt like I was babysitting Simon for months. Keep on Keeping on!
Sorry you are feeling like this. It is awful, isn't it? And I think really common with kids who were in orphanages. After all, the women in their lives were pretty interchangeable, since women were their care takers. I think sometimes men are safer... their relationships seem more permanent. Hugs to you all
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Nancy! I know all your hard work will pay off with the beautiful Ava one day (hopefully soon ;)
ReplyDeleteHope you were all able to enjoy the regional!
Hang in there Nancy. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
ReplyDeleteNancy,
ReplyDeleteTrust me when I say it will get better. I know the pain you are going through but just keep doing what you are doing and remember even though you know she is safe and here forever she doesn't, in her mind you could be temporary so she is building a wall. Just keep telling her how much you love her and as difficult as it gets be patient as I know it will get better. Also try some "mommy/daughter" things together...get nails done..go for dinner...even something silly like a car wash with the both of you in the car allows bonding. I know that b/c I did it once after pickign Sha up after school and she thought it was the greatest thing ever so I started doing it more often and it became 'our thing". Hang in there..Big hugs.
Thanks Shanda, Kate, Amy, Barb and Linda... things have gotten better, we did some of the mommy/daughter things and those helped! Hugs to you all!!
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