Not sure where to start this post.
When I started this blog, it was with excitement and joy about bringing Ava home to us. Please don't get me wrong, I love and adore Ava, but here comes the honesty part... the process of adding her to our family, our lives has been hard, very hard, a lot more harder than I ever imagined. And it leaves me exhausted and emotionally drained. That's why I haven't posted for so long.
I haven't posted for a while because it's hard to be excited and joyful when the one you waited for rejects you. I haven't wanted to share my heartache, but I've realized, maybe I should. So, from here on out, I'll be sharing the ups and downs, the joys, the tears...
Anyone who's around the 5 of us for any amount of time, after a while will notice that Ava obviously prefers Brian. I'm fine with that... to a point and that point is when the mean looks start, the cold shoulders, refusing to do anything I ask of her the kicking and swinging . This girl can be so stubborn. She has 2 cowlicks on the back-top of her head. One of our guides in China saw that and said in so many words... "OH-No.......you're going to have your hands full, 1 of those means she's strong willed and stubborn, but she has 2! Good luck!!!" Today, she wanted me to put in a hair clip, I told her that she'd have to 'pay me' with a hug and a kiss... it's just something her and I do in play (sometimes...) well, today she wanted absolutely none of it... and she flat out refused to kiss or hug me, I tried this for several minutes, but all I was getting were those mean looks, a lot of whining and if I didn't stop, she probably would have started kicking or swinging at me.... (insert heavy sigh here...). We are going to an LPA Regional in Brookfield, WI today. With Ava treating me like this, I'm not looking forward to it. So many times since we've been home, I'm the odd man out, I feel like the 5th wheel. And it just breaks my heart...
Now, it's not always like this. I know she cares for and loves me to a point. And we've realized that she is "attached to me".... but it's just these times for me are hard. Come Monday, when Baba (Brian) heads back to work at 8:30 AM, I'll be let back in her world.
